Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Will I Go Or Will I Stay.

After weeks deliberating and weighing all the pros and cons the time had come to make a decision. The big move was on and over the next few weeks there was a mountain of paperwork to fill out . So many things to organize. Shipping, movers and flights to book. People to contact, accounts to close, so much to do and the weeks were flying by.

It was all very exciting. A wind whirl of activity kept my mind occupied. And then the movers arrived. They came into the house and I directed them into the sitting room. I pointed out the furniture to pack and the furniture we would leave behind. The foreman directed two of his men to wrap up the sofa and it hit me. All of a sudden the enormity of this undertaking gripped my stomach. I was afraid. Fear had crept up and clenched my insides in a vice grip hold. What was I doing? Was I crazy? What made me think I could survive or make good in America? Why was I doing this, leaving my home, leaving all I knew and loved. I felt like a blind person walking along the piers edge. My stomach lurched.

The tickets were bought and now half our belongings were on the movers truck. I don‘t want to go. I want to stay in my beautiful house, surrounded by all I knew and loved. I can‘t do this. I dashed out into the hall and shouted at the moving men, “STOP! Don‘t take another thing out of this house.” Tears streaming down my face. The two men in the hallway stopped dead in their tracks looking at me with shocked disbelief. The foreman walked towards me, placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, turned to the his men and said, “Put it down lads, it’s time for a tea break.” Turning back to me a look of understanding on his face, he said, “I know this is hard Missus. I see it more than I care to say. Take a bit of time, you can let us know what you have decided after the tea break.”

I thanked the kind man and went into the kitchen, turned on Mozart made myself a cup of tea and wondered what had just happened. Incoherent thoughts buzzing in my head. What is wrong with you? Pull yourself together for Gods sake. Everything is in place. The tickets are bought, the movers are paid the visas are ready. This decision was made with a clear head, there is no turning back now. It’s not like you will never be home again. Life will be good. You see yourself doing well, you feel it in your bones so stop sniveling. Let the men do their job. Yes but what if I’m wrong. What if I fail. What if I don’t make a success of this. You will go to America and have a wonderful life adventure and when you come back you will be the better for it. The moving foreman stuck his head through the kitchen door. A quick intake of breath as I raised my hand to my mouth in embarrassment, had I been thinking out loud?

“Well Missus, have you decided?” he asked. I took a deep gulp of my tea, swallowing hard and conjuring up as much false confidence as I could muster I said, “Yes, thank you. Finish the packing. We are going to America.”


KarenG said...

What a wonderful story! I love it that the movers were sympathetic, and stopped to take tea. Not anything I could ever imagine happening here lol!

Barbara Scully said...

As the nice mover man might say "now Missus, aren't you delighted you made the move?" Lovely post - captures perfectly the enormity of your decision and your collective bravery!

Old Kitty said...

Oh Ann!

It must have been so awful for you at that time. But now with hindsight was it all worth it? I hope so!! And of course it was! And I hope you got to return lots of times and I hope you have found peace and acceptance.

At least the moving men were sensitive enough to allow you a moment to yourself. And I always say a nice cup of tea always clears the mind! I really believe that.

Mozart too!

Take care

Anonymous said...

How wonderful, but scary. Beautifully written. :o)

Theresa Milstein said...

Heart-wrenching. You took me through all of the emotions, as usual. It's sweet that the movers were sympathetic.
Please e-mail me at tmilstein at gmail dot com
I have a question. Thanks!

Al said...

Lovely story.
The movers were great. Mind you no self respecting Brit or Aussie will say no to a tea-break. Although we usually call it "smoko" even if we don't smoke.


Publish or Perish

loveable_homebody said...

You've captured that exciting, scary transition so well -- I felt I had been through it myself!

I hope all goes well on this new adventure.

Brigid said...

Hi Ann, lovely story but the hardest things in life are always the right things to do.
Are you glad you made the move ?

Roland D. Yeomans said...

You were so fortunate to have compassionate movers. You wrote your story beautifully, bringing us into the moment with you, Roland.

Thanks for visiting my blog.

Karen Walker said...

I wasn't sure if this was a snippet from a fiction piece or your real life. Either way, it grabbed me and held me. So, are you in America? And where were you? DId it work out okay?

Ann said...

Hi KarenG, A cup of tea is the salve for every hiccup in Irish life. The 10 o'clock and 3 o'clock tea breaks are an institution in their own right.

Hi Barbara, Thanks, things have worked out just fine, but whether I am delighted we made the move, well that still fluctuates.

Hi Kitty, yes we get home very often. Every summer and every second Christmas. In fact I will be leaving for home in 4 yes 4 weeks from now. And so All is right in my world. Thank God the Ash won't be impeding my travel plans. Well I hope not anyway!!!

Hi Niki, Glad you enjoyed it. It was scary and exciting and nerve racking all rolled up into one big blubbering roll of emotion.

Hi Theresa, There were a lot of people leaving the country at the time. I think the movers were used to drama by the time they got to my house.

Hi Al, The tea break is an institution in itself. Long may it reign!

Hi Loveable Homebody, Thanks for stopping by. I am glad you felt the story. We survived the move with a number of quirky goings on that are laughable now and make great fodder for the pen and paper.

Hi Brigid, Am I glad we made the move? Yes and no. I miss my space in the world. I have a foot here and a foot there. Never to have both feet planted in one place again.

Hi Roland, Thanks for stopping by. I am glad you enjoyed the story.

Hi Karen, It is a snippet from my life. I am in the US at the minute, but will be heading home to Abbeyside, Dungarvan, Co. Waterford in 4 weeks. Life is good. :)

Talli Roland said...

Love the ending of this. It is such a massive decision to move your life and home to another country. Sounds like you have the best of both worlds!

Jackee said...

I love this story, what a great glimpse into your life. You are very brave in my book. And I wish you all the best. Luckily you can never move away from us blogging friends, oceans and continents do not matter!

Congrats on the move, BTW. May your dreams come true!

Ann said...

Hi Talli, glad you liked it. Yes, I guess I do have the best of both worlds.

Hi Jackee, I am delighted I can take my blogging friends wherever I go. Never to be lonely again and thank you for the well wishes!

Susannah said...

I loved this Ann - it really gave a feel for what it must be like to be on the verge of such a big transition! Nice writing too. :-)

Lola Sharp said...

Well written! I enjoyed this post.


Rebecca @ Diary of a Virgin Novelist said...

I didn't realize you lived in the states! And that piece was great, so emotional and great tension!