“The hair is the richest ornament of women”
Martin Luther (1483-1546)
My Grandmother used to say if your hair is not well groomed, nothing will look good on you. Experience has taught me the truth in this. There have been times I adorned an outfit that looked wonderful on the hanger and yet if the hair was not behaving, the mirror image looking back at me left much to desired. The outfit that made even a hanger look good did very little to enhance my reflection. These occasions are commonly referred to as, 'A Bad Hair Day.'
After an exhausting day I sat in front of the telly in zombie mode and aimlessly flicked through channels. I paused for a moment curious to discover the name of the product promising me healthy, silky smooth hair, with a sheen to die for. A sheen the likes my hair hasn’t known for many a year. All I had to do was call the number on the screen….money back guaranteed if I don’t get the results promised. If I called within the next minute I would get not $10, not $20 but $30 off the already reduced price. But wait, call right this minute and not only would I get this great offer but they would throw in free shipping and two free gifts.
They had me!
I picked up the telephone and dialed the number flashing on the screen. Voice in head said, “You are an all-time eejit!” Voice in head was getting on my nerves. So, I told Voice, “Listen I will be put on hold and while I wait listening to a computerized Voice informing me, Please hold all our agents are busy. Your call will be answered in the order it was received. I might very well change my mind and hang up.”
That is not the way things transpired. Oh No! My call was answered on the second ring. I was shocked into a moment’s speechlessness. No computerized voice, just Shirley. Shirley asked me my name. She didn’t quite understand my accent, so I had to spell it for her, A….N…..N. I was slightly distracted because both Shirley and Voice were talking at the same time. Well Voice was actually laughing! I decided to go ahead with the order in spite of Voice. After all it was not like I was signing my life away. I can cancel the order at any time.
I have never ordered anything from the telly before. I felt a twinge of embarrassment even though I was alone in the house that is if you don’t count laughing Voice. The procedure I discovered is not quite as straightforward as, Yes, I want to try the magic hair stuff with free shipping and two free gifts. Oh No! That would be too easy. Shirley toted another magically product to die for, available at the incredible once in a lifetime low of $5 and would I like to add this little bit of magic to my order? No, I responded politely. Shirley obviously didn’t hear me say, 'No, thank you very much,' because she repeated the incredible offer. With my second negative response Shirley decided I might like to try a course of special vitamins. Voice tittered. 'No thank you Shirley.' Shirley proceeded to expound on the virtues of healthy inside, healthy outside. 'No thank you Shirley. I am only interested in purchasing the sheen to die for hair product.' Finally Shirley accepted the fact I had no intention of being reeled in by the bait she was dangling and we parted ways.
“See,” I told Voice, “Not such an eejit after all.” I am not sure, but I thought I heard a sniggering hurumph.