Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Door Swung Open


Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.


If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)






The door swung open. Bobby nudged Linda in the ribs.

“Go on, I dare you.”

“What” she asked.

“I dare you to go in there,” Bobby said.

“I will not. She could be inside.”

“You are such a girl,” Bobby retorted.

“I am not! What if she catches us inside?”

” No chicken, I saw her go out in that puke coloured bulb hat she always wears..”

Linda thought it was one thing to run into the overgrown garden, they had been doing that forever.  When Mrs. Posener saw us, she would shout and shake her broom at us. That sent us running out of her wilderness shrieking with laughter.  


“I dare You to do it.”

“I dared you first.”

“Okay, but you better come with me.”

Linda grabbed Bobby’s sleeve. They moved towards the open door. Fear gripped Linda’s stomach. It was turning cartwheels and her heart was pounding. They moved through the door. Suddenly Bobby turned around, his mouth fell open but no sound came out. Linda’s eyes followed his outstretched arm. In the shadows Linda saw the puke coloured blub hat on top of the shapeless body.

“Mrs. Posenor,” Linda and Bobby shrieked.

The door swung shut.




The End

YAY I did it!  I was sure for awhile there this one was going to defeat me!!!  

47 comments:

raelynbarclay said...

Good job. Love the child-like suspense you built in this.

Melanie M. said...

I like it! Poor Mrs. Posenor. I want to know if she just died or if there is some other nefarious entity at work. :) I see you posted right after I did. I'm #314 and in your group. BTW, Love the header pic you have.

David Powers King said...

Creepy stuff. Reminds me of my childhood a little. Loved the dialogue between the two kids. Mega fun read.

Good job, Ann! :)

Crystal Collier said...

Goodness... So many questions. Now I'm going to spend the next twenty minutes pondering. Grr. And it's all your fault!

Ruth Hartman Berge said...

Uh oh! Great sense of suspense there - I really wish it could go longer!

salarsenッ said...

I'm going to second Ruth. Nice suspense. And I'm loving the hat!!

WB Terrien said...

Great read! And I immediately knew the color of the hat. And it is not a pretty hat. :) Good luck!

Liza said...

This is great. The dialogue really works and shows so much. Well done!

Sheri L. Swift said...

Reminds me of a Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys segment. Loved those! I wanted to read more! ; )

Jules said...

Great twist to where I thought it was going but you turned. Nice Job!:)

Reminded me of a time I was making fun of a ladies hat, only to find out it was the Aunt of the person I was having dinner with. :D
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Theresa Milstein said...

I like it, Ann! That's what those kids get for playing dare! Fun piece.

Old Kitty said...

Oh Ann!!! You storyteller!! Loved, loved, loved this!! You got me inside these childrens' heads and I screamed with them when they saw the puke coloured blub hat!! Yay!! Well done you!!! Take care
x

Barbara V. Evers said...

Ann, great description of Mrs. Posenor. You almost have to feel sorry for her. Almost, but not quite.

Kerrin said...

i love the dialogue, it moves the story so much and reveals loads about the characters! Loved your version of the door opened!

allie said...

I enjoyed your description of the 'puke coloured hat'. The voice and dialogue matched your story to perfection. Great flash piece.

The Golden Eagle said...

I love the dialogue between the two. :)

Jenna Cooper said...

Real turn of tone there, but so much like real life. And I loved that you added dialogue!

Agnes said...

Ooooh, loving the suspense... :-)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Thanks for joining the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Look forward to your post next month.

Angelina C. Hansen said...

Excellent! My heart dropped to my stomach.

Tina DC Hayes said...

I'm having fun reading these flash fiction challenge entries. I'm still working on mine. :)

bridgetstraub.com said...

Great building of tension towards the end. nicely done. Mine is #72

Marcy said...

Very fun! I loved this and want to read more.

mooderino said...

Poor Bobby and Linda were never seen again... is how I imagine that goes!

Great entry, enjoyed reading it.

mood
Moody Writing
@mooderino

Manzanita said...

Ann, I loved it. It gave me skin prickles. !!
Manzanita@Wannabuyaduck

Catherine A. Winn said...

Ohhhhh, skeeery! Loved it!

Lori-Lyn said...

What a fun read!

N.Scott said...

Peter rabbit! Reminded me of when I was a kid. Nice job.

Sarah McCabe said...

"I am not!" haha. Great characterization in such a short piece.

lizakane said...

I LOVE the dialogue! You use it so well! I see the characters/scene so vividly!
Great job, and thanks for visiting my blog! ^_^

Sandwiched Writer said...

Ah, the puke-colored bulb of a hat tells me a lot about Mrs. Posenor ... and the fact that the kids call it that tells me a lot about them!

MC Rogerson said...

This feels so real. Fascinated to know why Mrs Posenor terrifies the children so much and would like to find out what happens next. Great hook!

Michele Helene (Verilion) said...

I love the children's voices Ann. This is so authentic and the fear they feel. Great story, and yes I would like to read more.

Shiraz Akhtar said...

Okay, I'm in suspense what Mrs. Posenor going to do now. It thrilled me. Great job!

Julie Farrar said...

You took me back to my childhood and our sneeking into any empty houses in the neighborhood. Unlike your characters, we were hoping to find those dead bodies on the floor. Great passage to build into a YA mystery.

Helen said...

Enjoyable read. Thought the voices of the children were very authentic. Liked the way you used the detail of the puke coloured bulb hat to describe Mrs Posener. Loved the ending!

alberta ross said...

Yay you certainly did- great - and the hat oh the hat!!!!

Alica McKenna Johnson said...

Very cute

Mary said...

Loved this one Ann. Enjoyed the banter between the children too.
Thanks for my award by the way. Late reply ..just back from holiday!

Deniz Bevan said...

Oh no! What're they going to do now?
Nice to meet you, fellow campaigner and bbqer!

Elle Strauss said...

Great job! I'm not brave enough to try flash fiction. Yet.

Lydia K said...

What happened to her? For some reason, I am sure her hat had something to do with her demise.

S.C. Wade said...

Oh my! O.O

So simple, yet very effective. :-)

Siobhan said...

Good work.

J.L. Campbell said...

Oh, boy, caught in a dare. Makes me wonder if she'll do more than shake her broom at them.

Francine Howarth said...

Hi,

Wonderful, wonderful classic dare! ;)

best
F

Arlee Bird said...

Nice job. That was fairly creepy.

Lee
Tossing It Out